4 Months Ago

Ethan and Declan at 4 months

It was a little over four months ago when I had the feeling of anxiety yet a wonderful peace over me. It's hard to explain, but even though I knew nothing could prepare me to raise and love two boys, I still knew I could. I had my friends and family all along throughout the pregnancy, and I knew with them, I would be able to handle it. I had a most loving wife and strong woman carrying my boys, that I knew I would be able to handle it. Most importantly, I had Jesus in my corner all along, so I knew I could handle it.

And here we are 4 months later. Despite the difficulties in the hospital, Declan and Ethan have been the perfect children. People keep saying, "I don't know how you do it." Well, in addition to all I've already mentioned, my boys are perfect angels. The funny thing is, the Lord knew how much we could handle, and to be honest, it almost feels like raising ONE child. They both do everything simultaneously anyway. They sleep together, wake up together, cry together, eat together. They are in unison, so the only difficulty for us has been the fact that there is just two of them which makes it hard when one of us needs to watch them. Strength in numbers, right? :)

The boys are strong and healthy. They are growing up too fast. They have learned to roll over, and my new favorite thing is that they have learned to play with and hold toys. They have finally figured out what their hands are for...although sometimes they think their hands are for eating. Orrpsh. Too cute.

And the best moment so far is that we got to stand in front of the church with our boys and have them dedicated to the Lord, vowing to our Savior that we will do whatever we can to raise the boys under the banner of Christ, growing them to be men of God. I can't wait for the day they make the decision for themselves to accept, obey, trust, love, and follow Jesus.

Pastor Alec of Westgate Chapel dedicates our boys

I would also like to take the time to thank everyone for their love and support regarding my last post. You all have helped me overcome a battle in a significant way. The breakthrough has been amazing. And the Lord has blessed me with a new and exciting opportunity. Some of you may know it already, but please don't say anything about it yet until I have full confirmation. Blessings!

Renewal

It's been HOW long?! I know, I know, I've been slacking on my blog page. It's just incredibly hard to find time to write. I am gone 13 hours of the day due to work and commute, then I come home and help take care of the boys until it's their bedtime, then it's time for me to get to sleep. Any spare time I have is usually swallowed up with dates with friends, get togethers with families, or errands.

It is very overwhelming. On the outside you see the same Joe. Smiling, joking, laughing, and playing. On the inside I feel the weight and pressure of the world on my shoulders--that at any moment I could just break down and cry for hours (I even squeezed a few out yesterday). I have to manage my work life and my family life. I have to take care of bills, take care of the yard, take care of our home, figure out how to save money, take care of my sons; I also have to work hard at work in attempts to get promoted, giving it my 100% at all times for the sake of my family. It wears me out beyond anything I ever imagined.

In the midst of it all, I have really struggled finding time for the Lord. And because of it, I feel a thirsty soul wanting and needing to be quenched. I do not feel the same as I did back in 2004 when I had a personal revival. I have felt a steady decline in my spirit, and I am having trouble getting back on track. I do not even know how or where to begin. It's hard. It's really hard.

But through all the struggles and trials, the Lord reminds me how good and faithful he is when I look at my boys. They give me great joy and strength, and the Lord reminds me through them to never give up. They remind me to endure through the difficult times, and that the Lord rewards those who are faithful and just. So even now in my time of the valley, I realize there is hope.

Just take a look at these guys. How can anyone NOT be happy when they see them? Note: since my last post, the boys have been sleeping through the entire night by week 7-8. Praise God! In addition, they are a few days away from turning 4 months old!! How can this be?! :)

Prayer request: please pray for me during my struggles and times in life where I feel I've reached the bottom and cannot see the way out. Pray that I would find time and MAKE time for Jesus who has always made time for me. Pray for a renewal of spirit, mind, body, and soul.